The hopes and fears of an Exchange Student

Although the title of this post hints towards a rather generalized hypothesis, the sum and substance of this post will quite necessarily focus on the workings of my own mind.

I think one of the charms of the 'Exchange' experience lies in the fact that it is meant to be unique; for the reaction to a strange ( yet strangely familiar) environment varies on one's habits, views, beliefs and scales of acceptance. The risk, of course, lies in identifying a particular style or way of life- and by the end of it, be completely disgusted and disappointed with your choices.
I have struggled, in no small measure, to come to terms with this change, partially because its something I have looked forward to for a long time ( and hence, a pressure to "have fun"; which is quite weird). There are so many ways I want to live through this that it is incredibly hard to choose and hence, as I have been advised, its best to 'go with the flow'.

Thankfully, this is not my first extended stint in a foreign land, or even North America. That is actually a good thing, because I am now used to the fact that I hate my conversational skills ( why do I sound so weird and retarded in an ordinary conversation? ), my physical inadequacies ( yup, these locker rooms are a nightmare!), my non-existent sex life ( there, I said it!) and my complete lack of enthusiasm for interaction or touring. Its incredible how I crave just lazing around letting my mind wander through a million issues and scenarios and other such utter bull-shit creating my own make-believe world.

And so, I wanted to utilize this opportunity to, in some way or the other, transform myself- I wanted to use the lack of academic pressure to sample subjects, dabble and indulge in things I always wanted to do ( music, theatre, screen-writing?) and kind of embark on a journey to seek knowledge by catching up on reading that I never did, from Camus to Kant and Justice League to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...
Maybe, I could also, somehow, rekindle my interest for the nuances of Chemical Engineering, which I doubt ever existed- but if not, I could atleast re-discover my well-documented passion for Statistics and Maths.
I wanted to weave that seamless fabric of knowledge that covers my various areas of interest granting me the 'Big Picture', a balanced diet almost instead of morsels here and there.

On the other hand, this approach may interfere with the holy objective of every Indian student on exchange/internship- of getting drunk and laid, however difficult or easy that may be with the abysmal communication skills and suspect drinking strength (and the aforesaid inadequacies).
The ideal mix continues to elude me- where does the fun equation lead us? Should this be an exhibitionist, touristy journey of putting yourself 'out there' or a withdrawal into the deepest recesses of one's own mind and heart, a semester of pure, unadulterated introspection.
Should this be a semester of doing something new everyday or a semester of simply figuring out what you want to do?

In some measure, this was a cathartic post- by no means complete in its description of either the excitement or the all-pervasive insecurity. However, there is an undeniable pleasure in conquering some of your fears, being responsible and living on your own. I guess the mind will continue to work furiously- till I arrive at some solid ground, let me survive myself!